Why is it SO hard to trust God? We blindly trust so much in this world that we live in, right? But then we have been let down by this world in so many ways. We may not understand God’s way, but He never truly lets us down. And yet we have a hard time just being what He made us to be, don’t we? If we are honest, we want what WE want, and we want it how WE want it, don’t we?
As I write this I am struggling with trusting God. Within the next month we will be leaving the nice home that we have been living in with the big yard and move into a 1985 singlewide trailer with the aluminum siding in a trailer park.
The trailer isn’t disgusting or falling apart, it’s perfectly livable as is. It can be paid for in cash easily, and it’s in a nice park that’s safe and clean. The problem isn’t the trailer, or the park, the problem is me. I’m scared. I’m honestly scared that we won’t be able to get out of this trailer after we are in it. What if we can’t even give the trailer away when we are done living in it? What if we are stuck paying lot rent on something we no longer want when it’s time to move? What if we have to pay to get rid of it? (Read the message God sent through Moses to the Israelites in Deuteronomy 31:6)
These are valid fears for me. You see we lived in a doublewide in a trailer park a few years back. We bought it new. We were paying about $900 a month between the house payment, lot rent, and water. And then my hubby lost his job. Suddenly our finances began to make a horrible downward spiral. Eventually he found another job, but even so we still couldn’t afford all of the financial commitments that we had made. Something had to give. The “mortgage” company made it clear. Sell it, give us the same payment that you always have, or get out and give us the home.
It became more and more apparent that bankruptcy was our only option in this circumstance. We needed to give back the house. For us it felt like failure in it’s truest form, and we are still working through emotions connected to that. That and the SLOW recovery of our finances have changed the whole dynamic of our family. It is a slow healing process, but it’s happening. And now we are moving back into a trailer again, in a trailer park.
Fortunately for me, God is showing me that He IS GOOD! He is patient in my healing. He is compassionate in my pain. He is working to give us “a hope and a future” (Read Jeremiah 29:10-14). The problem is not the trailer. It just may be part of my healing process. The only thing making me miserable right now is me.
I will, “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever!” (Read Psalm 136)
Thank you Lord, for a reasonably priced place to live, and a roof over my head. And thank you for the love you freely offer all of us, even when we struggle with our own fears and doubts. Please continue to help us to trust in you, even when the way that you have for us doesn’t make sense. Amen